While I was teaching at Kheni LSS, my colleague and very good friend Phub, became pregnant and
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| Madam Phub Dem |
Later, conversations and a hospital visit with Lhuentse student Sangay to see her very pregnant mother in Mongar hospital, provided me with more insight.
Once the child is conceived, current belief is that that no-one should be told, otherwise the foetus will not survive to full term. In some ways, this is not dissimilar to our practice of keeping quiet about a pregnancy for the first trimester when the risk of miscarriage is greatest. I felt very privileged to be told early on.
There is a belief that too many people talking about the pregnancy will bring bad luck.
It is also common practice not to dye or cut one’s hair while pregnant. The not cutting of hair brought to mind the story of Samson and Delilah, where Samson’s strength was depleted after Delilah cut off his hair. The belief about dying of hair, or painting, is that this might colour the baby.
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| Phub with her first son: new baby due that day November 11th |
To ensure that the child will be good looking, prayers or rituals should be offered to Tara. Traditional rituals are offered in the home to supplement the normal healthcare available from the BHU (basic health unit) and monks may be engaged to come and chant and pray to ensure the health of the mother and developing baby.
Preparation for the birth of the baby suggests that not too much advanced shopping should be done before the baby is actually born. This reminded me of the Miss Read story in which Mrs Pringle dourly states that it is bad luck to have the cradle or cot in the house before the “little stranger” arrives.
While I knew that money would be collected from staff and other public servants to give a communal gift at the baby shower, I wanted also to give a personal gift, as I would to an Australian friend, but unsure of what would be considered the most useful, gave some money instead to help to purchase the baby’s needs.
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| Phub with newborn baby |
A pregnant woman should not attend a woman in labour, as it may trigger her own labour. I wonder if there is some scientific basis in this, that pheremones released during labour may trigger, if the time is right?
If a woman in labour is visited by a woman with a hot temperament, the labour will be fast and painful and if a negative person assists with the birth, this will result in negativity in the mother and the newborn.
For a home birth, the mother or sister may attend and assist and the presence of the father is a matter of choice.
If a woman is to give birth in a hospital, she will be admitted to hospital some time in advance of her due date, especially if delivery is to be by caesarian section. This advance admission is particularly important given the difficulties of travel in Bhutan. As with other hospital admissions, a friend or relative attend the person and stays with them the whole time to ensure their comfort and the meeting of their needs.
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| Grandma and baby |
Generally only family members visit the hospital, so I was privileged to be taken to visit Sangay’s mother and be shown the facilities.
Normally there is no visiting until 3 days after the birth of the baby, when purifications rituals will be performed in the home to remove the “unclean” of childbirth. . I am not sure whether this also applies to hospital births. If a person comes to visit before the 3 days, not knowing that the child has been born, the child will grow to have the same personality as the visitor.
I sent a message to Phub as soon as I heard her baby was delivered, congratulating and asking her to let me know as soon as I could visit. Her response was that she was happy for me to visit anytime, as her modern knowledge overrode the superstitious beliefs, but out of respect for her mother who lives with her, and her mother’s traditional beliefs, I waited until the rituals had been performed. The baby is beautiful. It had been a long time since I had held such a new baby.
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| Showing off the baby at the baby shower |
A notice goes around the school, generally hand written in the large book kept for such purposes, and is signed by each staff member and the requisite agreed amount of money for social occasions is collected. This had been agreed at the start of the year as Nu200.
The appointed meeting time and place would be set in the notice – never actually at the venue for the social event. Some time between an hour and an hour and a half after the appointed time all would be gathered and would proceed in a group to the appointed place – often but not always the home of the person for whom the social event is occurring.
The event would start with the serving of naja (sweet milky tea) and biscuits. Once the cups were cleared from this, alcohol would be served. For the baby shower, chankey (freshly fermented rice) was included in the selection of alcohol, along with ara (local “wine” – a distilled grain product of variable quality and often with a severe kick), Takin wine (a strong, sweet, rough red), whiskey or beer. Serving of these drinks is, of course, with traditional eastern hospitality – some thing that could well be the root of the rampant alcoholism in the area.
Once alcohol has been consumed, dinner will be served – rice, dhal and curries. It is definitely a case of eat and run for most guests. A few hardened drinkers may stay for further rounds.
An unusual departure from the eat and run model happened for the last baby shower I attended. The lab attendant’s wife had recently given birth and the party was progressing as usual, perhaps a little more rowdier than normal as a few people who were usually a little reserved were letting down their hair as the majority of school responsibilities had been completed. After dinner, some of the younger male public servants disappeared briefly to reappear with a sound system and dance music. Not the traditional dancing that I had experienced on occasions, but some serious disco. This was a major departure from the norm!
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